I’m trying to sell my dining table on Craigslist to make room for the new one that we bought. The response has been dismal and limited to a few scam emails from gentlemen offering to send me money orders or wire transfers. To entertain myself, I’ve taken to responding to these people. Below is a conversation with an alleged Simeon Loonigrad who can be reached at simgrad@gmail.com:
From: simeon loonigrad <simgrad@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Nov 21, 2008 at 10:32 AM
Subject: Re: DINING TABLE Camelot Round Iron and Glass - $250
To: Alejandra Ramos
Thanks for the response.I am willing to pay your asking price.I will
pay by money order as its the only way i can pay you at the moment.I
will make arrangement for the pick-up after payment have been received
by you. I dont mind adding an extra twenty dollars so you can keep it
in my favor.Reply with your full name,cell phone number,and address
where payment should be sent.Please take the posting off craigslist
today and consider it sold to me.
Expecting to hear from you soon.
Regards
Sims
From: Alejandra Ramos
Date: Fri, Nov 21, 2008 at 12:09 PM
Subject: Re: DINING TABLE Camelot Round Iron and Glass - $250
To: simeon loonigrad <simgrad@gmail.com>
Hi Simeon,
Thank you for your response. I’m happy that you’re interested in the table as it is lovely. I also thank you for the generous offer of an extra 20 dollars. I’ll be happy to accept your payment of 270 USD which you can transmit to me via PayPal at your earliest convenience. If that is not acceptable to you, I’m also willing to deduct the payment directly from your bank account to save you the hassle of leaving your home to purchase a money order and the long wait in line at the post office. For this I will need you to please send me your bank name and account number, along with the following information:
1.) Your full name
2.) Date of birth
3.) Your full social security number (although I seriously doubt you have one)
4.) Your complete address
5.) Your mother’s maiden name
6.) Your father’s middle name
7.) The name of your first pet
8.) Your favorite teacher’s name
9.) Three flavors of juice that you like to drink for breakfast along with your eggs
10.) Your top three favorite M&M colors listed in order of reverse preference
11.) The name of the last movie you saw in theaters
12.) Your blood type
13.) Your home number
14.) Your cell number
15.) Your AIM screen name
16.) Your favorite flavor of ice cream (if you do not like ice cream, I will accept the name of your favorite breakfast cereal).
Once I’ve received all of this very important and necessary information, I will contact my bank to make a direct withdrawal for the full amount of the table. After this transfer occurs, I will wait until the next eve of the full moon to contact you with a specific location where you can meet me to pick up the table.
I wish you well and look forward to completing this transaction.
All the best,
Yeah Fucking Right
